The Make-Your-Own-SCP-Object thread.

[Soda]

So just use this link, fill out the form, and post your results. Here's mine:

Item #: SCP-957-J

Object Class: SafeEuclidKeter SACLETER

That's not a real class, moron. Request to change object class.-Dr. Clef

Request denied.-O5-█

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-957-J is to be kept in a hashish-lined containment chamber located in Fort Knox, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 4 Pimps armed with hookers.
In the event that SCP-957-J ever begins eating its liver, Dr. Blast is to nuke SCP-957-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force Eta-7 (''White Collar'') is to be dispatched to SCP-957-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-957-J is a small dog. Like most members of its species, it is able to smoke crack, and regularly eats twice its own weight in hashish each day.
SCP-957-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with douchebags, which causes it to turn into a tablet of oxycodone. Whenever this happens, all druggies within a 86 kilometer radius will begin to melt uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.
In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Charlie Sheen. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-957-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-957-J was first located in Teletubbyland where the Green Bay Packers were using it in order to extinguish the sun. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force Eta-7 (''White Collar'') was able to recover the object with only 9,851 civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log 957-1   Dr. Ausheinwertz: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Ausheinwertz, and I am about to test SCP-957's reaction to cocaine. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Smedley?
Dr. Smedley: Yes sir, ready to begin test.
Dr. Ausheinwertz: Excellent! I am now introducing the cocaine to 957... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.
Dr. Smedley: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.
Ausheinwertz: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN Head! IT'S GOT MEIN Head! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!
END LOG

In light of incident 957█████, testing has been suspended until █/██/20██. - O5-17

[tman]

CLASSIFIED BY ORDER OF O5-█

Item #: SCP-5-J
Object Class: asrgc
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-5-J is to be kept in a taco-lined containment chamber located in White House, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 2 doctor armed with pencils.
In the event that SCP-5-J ever begins losing its foot, idkasvzdc is to run SCP-5-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force idk-7 (''Spongebob'') is to be dispatched to SCP-5-J's last known location.
Description: SCP-5-J is a fat tiger. Like most members of its species, it is able to jumping high, and regularly eats twice its own weight in taco each day.
SCP-5-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with tables, which causes it to turn into tile. Whenever this happens, all keys within a 6 kilometer radius will begin to eat uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.
In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to The Rock. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-5-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.
Recovery Log: SCP-5-J was first located in lolsville where the Denver Broncos were using it in order to take over the world. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force idk-7 (''Spongebob'') was able to recover the object with only 34645645653498594780457935325 civilian casualties.
Addendum: Test Log 5-1   Dr. Shlieitensburg: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Shlieitensburg, and I am about to test SCP-5's reaction to cloud. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr nah?Dr. nah: Yes sir, ready to begin test.
Dr. Shlieitensburg: Excellent! I am now introducing the cloud to 5... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.
Dr. nah: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.
Shlieitensburg: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN arm! IT'S GOT MEIN arm! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!
END LOG

In light of incident 5-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█

[Nipple Nugget]

CLASSIFIED BY ORDER OF O5-█

Item #: SCP-3-J
Object Class: ball
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3-J is to be kept in a steak-lined containment chamber located in Ft. Knox, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 1.45 Barbers armed with packs of gum.
In the event that SCP-3-J ever begins drowning its toe, Somebody is to lift SCP-3-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force Omega-7 (''Always Sunny'') is to be dispatched to SCP-3-J's last known location.
Description: SCP-3-J is a funny giraffe. Like most members of its species, it is able to punching bag, and regularly eats twice its own weight in steak each day.
SCP-3-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with foot, which causes it to turn into fax machine. Whenever this happens, all cars within a 8 kilometer radius will begin to fight uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.
In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Christopher Walken. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-3-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.
Recovery Log: SCP-3-J was first located in Nowhere, Kansas where the Jets were using it in order to Replace all deodorant with cream cheese. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force Omega-7 (''Always Sunny'') was able to recover the object with only 42340150832 civilian casualties.
Addendum: Test Log 3-1   Dr. Hitler: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Hitler, and I am about to test SCP-3's reaction to poop. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Williams?Dr. Williams: Yes sir, ready to begin test.
Dr. Hitler: Excellent! I am now introducing the poop to 3... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.
Dr. Williams: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.
Hitler: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN nipple! IT'S GOT MEIN nipple! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!
END LOG